The Spoken Word

Jaron has stated that words in and of themselves mean nothing, unless you give meaning to them. 

I agree to an extent but have countered that relationships cause words spoken to have meaning and impact. And the only way for that not to be so would be if the relationship has no meaning. And that, in my mind would be a lonely existence.

This is just one example of the many conversations that he and I have. Discussions. Sometimes ones that could sound like an argument to an outsider. Because we are both passionate people and that can sometimes come through in the volume and manner through which our words are spoken.

My childhood was filled with words and messages. Some from those who were well intentioned and loved me. Some from people that were not tied to my life but what they said had an impact...until I didn't let it any longer.

My Dad: I could do and be anything I put my mind to. I would probably have to work twice as hard because I was a woman but I was not to allow that to stop me from pursuing and achieving my goals. He taught me how to check, add and change the oil in my car. I remember him teaching me how to change a tire and watching him change the breaks. I think he really believed I could do it and I was thinking it would be a better idea for me to find someone to do that for me when it was needed. hahaha. I knew he thought I was beautiful - even when I didn't believe that to be true about myself. He was quick to tell me how proud he was of me and gave me space when I needed it. I know he loved me unconditionally and it hurts my heart to think about how horrid I was during those college years.

I saw my Dad as one who experienced life in ways I would not / could not. He grew up on the streets of Queens, NY. Never joined a gang but didn't back down from a fight. Family was the highest priority. He didn't have the academic degrees but he was analytical. He could also be stubborn and set in his ways / beliefs. That said, I saw a man whose heart softened over time - even toward people that he didn't understand. He loved unconditionally. Was a tremendous storyteller and and the most contagious laughter. Truly enjoyed life and living it with those he loved well.

My Mom: she was quick to pray with me and for me. Always supporting and cheering me on but not necessarily vocal about it. To me, she believed me to be better than I was. I remember trying to logically explain how I wasn't as great as she perceived me to be and how that was ok - it didn't mean I was a failure. She is still in my corner. And I think she sometimes sees me as better than I see myself. But she is my mom. And, now, I let her. Because maybe that is what moms do. They see the best in their children and believe that to be what defines them rather than the other parts of life that seem to prevent the full achievement of that perceived "best". 

Mom grew up in the "country" of Vermont until she was 16. Others might label her as innocent or naïve. While there is definitely a level of truth to that, my mom saw and experienced things that caused her to feel alone and insecure. Even though she came from a large family and achieved a great deal throughout her life. Mom was the academic and taught us how to study and apply ourselves in school. She did everything she knew to make sure her daughters knew they were important and had value. She taught us what she knew well and encouraged us to face the challenges in the areas of life that she hadn't conquered yet. Mom loves unconditionally. She is resilient and strong but not in your face. 

I didn't always like what Mom and Dad had to say. But their relationship has always been a vital part of my life and therefore, their words have been impactful. Neither of them have - or ever will - achieve perfection this side of heaven but I cherish and honor each of them. 

May my life give them honor and display what their words sowed into the very fabric of my being.

May my words sow life into the lives of my sons. Even in my imperfection.