More Questions than Answers

This morning I was reading through Matthew 5-7. I first paused at Matthew 5:17-20. Specifically verse 18 "I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." NIV

Well...that hasn't happened yet. Meaning the earth and heavens are still here. I used the BLB app to look up the original text meaning. The words used for heaven and earth have the same meaning. I then cross-referenced translations - that portion is the same as well. No hidden meaning. Which in turn means all the laws that Moses brought down from Mount Sinai are fully in force. From the Old Testament we know that they were not able to truly follow those laws. The scripture is filled with a multitude of examples of men and women failing at this - again and again.  

I got up to make coffee, thinking about this and what has been potentially taught or communicated from the pulpit. Yes, Jesus says in verse 17 that he came to fulfill the law. But then he says this. Which infers that its not completely fulfilled until this point - the end - which we are definitely not at yet, because my feet still tread on soil and there is still the heavenly expanse present when I look up. 

I went back and read the ten commandments in Exodus. In truth, as I was reading, I was taking account of what I have been able to follow and where I have failed. And I was struck with the fact that no matter how "good" I am, I am NEVER going to be able to keep all of these commandments.

Previously, Jaron has referenced me as the quintessential rule follower. Lovely. I've given him examples of how I'm so not perfect but admittedly, I do like to follow rules and attempt to do that well. But at the same time, I know I screw up. I see all my imperfections. 

So the coffee pot beeped and my thoughts were temporarily suspended. I prepared the cup of dark brew with a bit of hazelnut creamer and sat down to type. I like to get my thoughts on "paper". It helps me process.

But before I started, I was drawn back to Matthew 5. Because what follows verse 20 are some specifics. I picture the disciples listening to this, maybe their faces betraying their thoughts of hopelessness, frustration, or self-righteousness. I am not attempting to be dramatic but lets be honest here, failure will be the result of any attempt to fully uphold the law. And as I continued to read, I'm thinking, this is a lot. There is no way I am this good. Or can ever be. There is no way anyone is this good. Only Jesus is this good. And yet, this is the standard "until heaven and earth disappear". 

Feeling overwhelmed. Keeping despair at bay. Head feels like its spinning because there is so much detail. Sooooooooooooooo much to remember. 

I stopped reading at what has been coined the golden rule, "In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12.

I like summaries. But even if this helps me in my day-to-day, I know I will fail at this. Time and again. 

Time to hit the pause button. 

Waiting for HIM to speak. 

I remembered a recent Sunday where the speaker, Tannon Herman from Wildheart Ministries stated that our need equates to the invitation for God to be part of our lives. If we don't recognize or have a need for him, then we are going to keep about our own business. 

Well that applies to everyone - whether we realize it or not. And this is where I will stop and "think on" for a bit. Meditate so to speak. And listen. Because I want to know His heart in this. 

My need is great and I believe his love is greater.