Dad's Rules

One step forward.

Yes. I will keep moving forward but first I want to look back at my life and highlight some of those moments that have shaped me into the woman I am today.

Dad's rules. Technically they were rules of my parents but I viewed them as his. And many of them irritated me. 

It seems like there were so many when I was younger but the main ones I remember now - the ones that really irritated me: Not allowed to date until I was 16. Not allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 18. How would getting my ears pierced when I was younger change the character of who I am? At 50, I can wonder if it had more to do with level of responsibility and availability of money but his reasoning is what makes smoke come out of my ears. Even now, I can hear his voice in my head saying "If God wanted holes in your ears, you would have been born that way." Seriously? Did he really believe that? Or was that just the "dad" answer an attempt to placate my persistent requests?

I did get my ears pierced. When I was 20. With his ok. And then he was miraculously good with my mom getting her ears pierced too (she was 51). Guess who bought his wife earrings as birthday and Christmas presents for many years to follow? It only seems right to quote him, "I'll give you 3 guesses and the first 2 don't count."

Not dating until I was 16. That pretty much took dating off the table until I was in college. I didn't turn 16 until my junior year. And by then I learned how to "fit in" as a friend only with the boys to avoid the uncomfortable conversation of "sorry, I like you but can't date because my Dad won't let me." 

Funny or not-so-funny factoid (if you ask my oldest) is that we applied this same rule with our sons. 

Why?

As a high school teacher, I see too many relationships that are shipwrecked before they get out of the harbor. These young hormone-raging kiddos start acting on their physical and emotional impulses / needs before they are even capable of handling the life-long implications and consequences of their actions. They don't know how to be friends - they don't really know what true friendship is. It isn't how many likes or comments someone makes on your status updates. 

The true friendships are those that last through the muck of life, they see you at your worst and still love you and stand by you. No matter what. My Dad would say that you were truly blessed if you found one true friend in life. And if you were fortunate to have more than one, then that was a priceless treasure - one that most people would never experience.

But how do I explain that to a 19 year old who really really really despises that was one of our "stupid" rules? I can't. I want to but I can't. 

In truth, both of my sons are individuals that will offer their hearts and love unconditionally. My prayer is that their paths cross with young women who are prepared to do the same.

Meanwhile, I deal with the rolling eyes and scoffs (more from the eldest). I hear him tell me how he will definitely do things differently with his children. And I faintly remember saying the same thing to my father. Just wish he was still here to ask in person.

Oh - and regarding those friendships. One of the best kept secrets or mysteries is that family, that loves unconditionally, is one of the greatest resources for the type of friends that make it through the muck of life together. The "no matter what" people. 

Jason is my best-est friend - one reason why we have 27 years and counting! 

My sister got the rank of bff early in life. We aren't the same and we don't always see things in the same light. But we love and respect one another - no matter what.

My parents evolved / morphed into the best friend status. I can't say exactly when but I'm guessing post college and into the time period where I was doing this adult thing for real. 

Here's hoping the two little boys that stole a piece of my heart and have grown into young men that I largely admire (and sometimes want to smack upside the head - another Dad quote...no real action there) will morph into two of my closest friends for life.